There is a reason they say "Say No to Drugs!", otherwise you'll look like this when you wake up! With some prodding, I got her to open her eyes....hehe! :-)

Done and doing great. No complications, no issues, just smooth sailing! OK, now for the funny stories that can't be forgotten....after surgery, Valerie's anesthesiologist (Dr. Wald, same one she had for the Mastectomies) came by and told us how she did. Last time she was very alert for awhile into the operating room, so this time he wanted to make sure she was out early on. Well, he tells us that once they got into the OR, he asked how she was doing, she responded "Great, I am finally getting "squishy" boobs!". Valerie then proceeded to demand that Dr. Wald feel just how hard the temporary implants were....he politely declined in front of the several nurses and other doctors in the room....at which point he says she got pretty adamant "No, really, you gotta feel how hard these are, look! (as she grabbed them with her hands)" After she refused to take no for an answer, he agreed to "tap" the top portion to see just how hard they were.....Dr. Wald was just a little embarrassed to tell us the story, but if that is not typical Valerie, I don't know what is.....no shame! Of course Valerie had no recollection of this exchange....so I had to share it! :-)

Getting ready for surgery and family friend Beezy is her admitting nurse! That was a good surprise. Surgery is now scheduled to start after 1 PM and should last about 3 hours. Valerie and her sister used to babysit Beezy (Briana) when they were younger, their parents are still good friends.....what a small world! Funny part is the doctor and several nurses started calling her Beezy as well....sorry!

New surgery date for the new squishy BOOBS

Well, I did not have surgery on Tuesday...and after a lot of calling the Doc.he finally returned my call today. I left a not so nice message and played the "cancer" card. I left a message saying,"Hi, this is Valerie Beck...again, and I am getting a little concerned because I have not heard from you. I don't know if the doctor is having a hard time getting OR time, or if you are having problems with getting the implants, or you got the result from my mugga scan (heart test) ant there is something wrong with my heart, or my cancer came back. Call me" They called me back within 30 seconds of leaving that message. Amazing. Nothing is wrong with me; the doc is just having a heard time getting OR time. My surgery date is Wed, Oct 3. Lets hope that sticks!!!

The "Gear & Tent Crew" that I (Dion) joined for the walk. 2,000+ walkers at 30 pounds per bag (yeah right, more like 50-60!) is 6,000 pounds moved by a fearless crew of 15 into and out of those cargo vans FOUR times (oh and tents too!)! I wanted to help and this seemed like the thing to do, I have to admit, we worked HARD! But it was very rewarding. My most memorable moment? Around 8:45 PM on Saturday, a walker arrived to pick up her bag and tent (earlier we had "Tent Angels" that carried bags and set up tents for walkers). Unfortunately all visitors (including Tent Angels) had to leave at 8:30 PM. I grabbed this ladies bag and tent and began to head over to her assigned spot, when she told me she had walked in every LA Avon walk since 1998, and every year she has had to build her own tent.....NOT THIS YEAR, I told her. To make a long story short, I made her tent and finished to find her standing there crying. Five minutes of work, and she was so thankful she cried! Blisters go away, muscles stop cramping, snoring ends, but that memory will last me a lifetime. Thank you walker from Row A, we crew for people like you! Even after that, I made a decision to experience the other part of the weekend. Valerie and I have both signed up to walk the 2008 Los Angeles AVON Breast Cancer Walk, I know many of the Team "Bumps Ahead" members will be back and more are welcome to join! What are you going to do?

Team "Bumps Ahead" finishes 39.3 miles at the Los Angeles Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. In total the event raised $4.3 Million dollars for cancer research, awareness and testing. Team "Bumps Ahead" raised over $32,000 with help from many of you! We will be walking again in Los Angeles in 2008, come join us!

26.2 miles done!

The banner is up! Nick and Dion setting up camp for the ladies....seven tents ready for some tired walkers!

Half way there at 13.1 miles

Getting ready to go on our Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, teams all here!

Just to let you all know...My PET scan was fine!!! YA!!

I saw Dr. Barstis the other day and he said everything looked great!!! I have an appointment for a PET scan on Thursday the 23rd, hopefully they will see nothing. It takes about a week to get the results back...so I will let you know as soon as I do.

Good Morning!!! This is just a quick up-date. I will see Dr. Barstis on the 16 to talk about???... Maybe he will give me a referral for a PET scan. It is just a check-up visit. I have scheduled my breast surgery for September 19th at UCLA. Dr. Watson will take out my expander's and replace them with "SQUISHY" implants. I am very excited about this. I am tired of hugging people and them saying "OUCH". Yes that is really how hard they are!!! :) That's about it for the cancer up-date.

Tumor markers came back at 16.7, which is great news today! Anything under 35 is great according to my doctor, so today is a GREAT day!

Here is an update…

I went to see Dr. Senofsky last week and almost had a panic attack!!! He was examining my chest and stopped talking and gave me that "hummmm" look, kind of like…"I think I feel something, but I don't want my patient to freak out" kind of look. I have been going to these doctors so often, that I know "that" look. I knew something was wrong and I called him on it. He said he felt a very small lump. On further examination…he decided that he knew what it was. It was a dissolvable stitch that isn't dissolving. I of course go into panic mode and begin asking for an ultra sound or needle aspiration. He assures me that it is a stitch. So, everything is just fine except…I am still in panic mode.
So, I called Dr. Barstis, my oncologist, last week and told him that I was sure that my cancer had returned…even though I have no evidence. I asked if he would take my blood and read my tumor markers. He assured me that I was fine, but since he is so nice, he gave me the blood test anyway. I am supposed to be getting the results tomorrow, I'll keep you posted.
I went to see Dr. Watson two weeks ago…He is my plastic surgeon. I wanted to make an appointment to get my "Expanders" removed and silicone implants put in. My expanders are extremely HARD (because of scar tissue)…no pain, but just very very hard. Dr. Watson still wants to do the DIEP procedure that would require me to be under for about 8 hours. It would also be a long recovery period, that I just don't want to deal with right now. I told him that I wanted the silicone implants and then, if my body develops scar tissue again, I will think about doing the DIEP. I would like to try the "easier" procedure first and hope for a good outcome! I plan on having surgery the week of Aug. 17th, I don't know what day, but I'll keep you informed.

Seems like everyone is into this walking thing, or better yet BEATING CANCER!

If you will be in LA on September 15-16, 2007, I am sure Valerie and the rest of the team would love to have more walkers! If you don't want to walk, you can always sign up to help like I did, gonna spend the two days "crewing", which I think means doing whatever needs to be done so those walking can focus on solely that and why they are there.

Check it out!

YOU Remembered!!!

I didn't want to remind you of that awful day, but how could I actually think you would not remember. I have been crying for the last half hour!!! I have married the most wonderful, thoughtful, caring, and loving man in the whole world. I love you Dion and I thank you for going through this journey with me. You have been there for me since the beginning and you have seen me at my lowest...helped me plan my funeral , watched me go bald, talked about our future...and now that seems like it is in the past. It seems so long ago that it all happened. It almost seems like it never happened. I do know that I would not have gotten through this without you!!! This is the best birthday present you could ever give me...I will remember what you wrote forever. I love you and that is all that matters in this lifetime. Love, VAL

One year ago today....

Dion here, thought I would share with you my thoughts on the past year.....plus I am away today for a business meeting....it was either spend the evening with co-workers or tell my wife how this past year has changed me.....

One year ago today I got a phone call from a hysterical Valerie, she was sobbing loudly on the other end and I was still at work. She had scheduled an appointment to "check out" a small lump on her right breast that I had felt myself just a few days before. I don't recall ever getting a call from her where she started off crying, so I do remember it vividly. She tried to tell me that the doctors had just told her she had cancer. I could hear her say it, but I really don't think it sank in....I remember saying "it will be alright, you'll be OK", and when I could tell she was not really listening (can you blame her? No!) I asked her to put the doctor on the phone. I remember thinking "she needs to calm down, why is she so hysterical?" Dr Senofsky was kind enough to take the phone and explained to me that Valerie had breast cancer. I think I responded with an "OK" and all I remember asking him was "do you think she can drive, or do I need to pick her up?". I felt this need to hold her, to tell her it was "going to be alright" and that we would get through this. I remember being very angry with myself for not being there, I should have been there. I wish I had been there for that appointment to help her through those first minutes. I guess that is one thing I would have changed if I could do it all over again....actually if I could do it all over again....well I think you know, I would never wish this journey on anyone and wish it would NEVER happen again!

Well, it has happened, so what have I learned?

• I learned Valerie is such a strong woman, she brings a smile to many faces and people want to be around her. I was worried in the beginning, and so were her doctors. They had many conversations with me and with both Valerie and I about her attitude and how you have got to look for the positives and move forward with life. Easy for me to say, I was not diagnosed with cancer.
• I know everyone is different, but I learned Valerie needed time to vent, grieve, hate, cry and then look to the positives.
• I learned my wife can strut her stuff on a catwalk (and look HOT!) and bring a crowded room to tears.
• I learned I knew nothing about cancer (still learning) or how many lives it affects every day.
• I learned people deal with it in different ways, some walk, some talk, some give, some take, some cry, some hug, some pray but EVERYONE deals with it in the way they think is best for them.
• I learned that some people cook WAY better than my wife (I guess I always knew that!) but I really learned I would rather have her make our dinner any day!
• I learned the meaning of "...in sickness and in health" and I intend to keep that promise!
• I learned that even though I may get embarrassed by my wife's loud outbursts, or foot in mouth comments, or wearing her feelings on her sleeve (and proclaiming them to anyone within earshot that may or may not know her), that in the end I love her for those moments.
• I learned to make sacrifices and not always be the one who wins (I didn't say I was perfect at this, I said I am learning!), which would explain the dog in the house.
• I learned (or got reinforcement) that I definitely married the right woman!
• I learned life does go on....

So it has been a year, that is my greatest joy, I got to spend another year with Valerie, that beautiful woman I met in May 1991 and married in July 1994. I've learned to enjoy (even the ones when we fight) EVERY single day we spend together and am looking forward to many more years!

I am proud of you Valerie and I love you dearly!

I can walk!! I have raised 2,295 so far. WOW!

Dion and I at Disneyland on a day trip with the kids. Like my Tiara?!?

Autographing her handprint she signed it: "Valerie Beck, almost 1 year :-) Enjoy!! Life!! Thank you to my husband and family and friends!!"

Valerie getting to put her handprint on the wall of survivors

The purple shirts were given to cancer survivors, Valerie is walking straight down from the left side of the "balloon rainbow" in the picture.

Judy, Judy, Me and my son, Mindy, and Jen with her daughter and all the women are breast cancer survivors! I have met and formed wonderful friendships with these women over the past year. I am lucky to have met them!!

Dion and I at the Relay for Life (didn't our six year old son do great with the camera phone!)

Relay For Life is a 24 hour event held in our local community. It was the first time I had ever attended and WOW is all I can say!!!!! There was a survivor lap that I walk with my friends and I cried the whole time. Everyone was clapping for us and it was very emotional for me. It was almost a year ago that I was diagnosed and I was so happy to be there. Dion even cried with me. As much as I didn't want to be in the cancer "club", I am proud to say that I have formed wonderful friendships with people I would have never had met otherwise. I am just so happy that I have supportive friends and family...I wouldn't have made it through this year without you!!!

Kristen and I after our first Sunday morning walk (12 miles) to prepare for the Avon Walk in September!

GREAT news came today! Valerie saw Dr. Barstis at Sheila Veloz Breast Imaging Center and her latest blood work came back great! More specifically her tumor markers (good info on this site, check out the video link at the bottom if you are like us and said "so what really is a tumor marker?") saw no increase since her last blood test, which is indicative of no tumors, or antibodies fighting a tumor anywhere in her body! Simply put, that is VERY good news! In addition her red blood cell count was up (a good thing) and her white blood cell count was normal.

Valerie will have this blood work done every three months for the next 75 (or hopefully longer!) years....today was a good day for this family....and for Valerie, not a SINGLE doctors appointment for the next three weeks either! Prior to today, she has gone a minimum of once per week to some doctor somewhere.....gonna enjoy everyday!

Dr. Watson at UCLA. Second to last trip to fill the implants....they are overfilling (yes that is possible) them to stretch the skin, then in September when the real implants go in, they put smaller ones in so they feel more natural...sorry no more painful hugs after September! :-)

Putting "highlights" in my hair for the first time!

I walked four miles today! No, No, No, I am not walking the Avon walk today...I am beginning to train for it. My friends and I are walking about 4 miles every other day. I will increase the distance as the walk gets closer. The walk is held in Long Beach on September 15th and 16th. I will walk a total of 39.3 miles in two days. On the first day you walk 26.2 miles and 13.1 miles the second day. I will be sleeping in "tent city" with my other team mates!!! So far our team is made up of 6 women. We are going to help one another get through this!!!! So, when I say I am walking 4 miles...I have a lot more training to do. I will keep you posted. Oh, I am almost at my GOAL for fundraising! Thank you all who could donate! Love Ya! VAL

Well, I walked the kids to school and back on Monday. I think It was a half mile one way. I was tired after that. I kept saying to myself everyday...I need to walk...but I didn't. So today, my friend Leslie called and said, I'm walking to your house, so are you ready to go? I love friends! Leslie and I walked 4 miles today and she pushed a baby stroller the whole way. I am so proud of her and myself. I am so out of shape that is not even funny!!! But I am ready to get in shape!!! VAL

Well, I am doing great. Things seem to be back to normal. I began walking today for my Avon walk in September. I have to begin to train now because I am really out of shape. Dion took a picture of me the other day and I had "old lady" cellulite on my thighs. It stinks!!! I figure If I begin walking now, then maybe my thighs will look good by September.

I am fully recovered from my hysterectomy. I went in last week for a 6 week check up and Dr. Marter said he saw some scar tissue and fixed it. I just do not want to know what he did. I didn't feel anything and he told me I can go about living my life as normal. I have an appointment with him on Thursday so he can check on whatever he did. I feel great, and I am back to normal...that's all I care about!!!

Our life is back to normal and normal things are happening. Our transmission went out on our car last week, and it was under warranty, so it is in the shop. Our washing machine stopped working due to me overloading it too many times, so we went out and got a new one. We still love our new puppy. Love you all, Valerie

I am offically off of bed rest TODAY!!! YA!!. Yes, I went to Clovis to pick up the puppy, but I was sitting the whole time. I figured there was not much difference between sitting in a car or sitting on the couch. I think my mother was not to happy with me, but I am fine. I really did take it easy and I am still going to take it easy. Everything is great. VAL

I finally got my puppy. I have been wanting a dog in the house for years, but Dion has allergies to dog dander. I began doing my research and found a new hybrid type of dog. It is called a Goldendoodle. It is a mix between a Poodle and a Golden Retriever. This breed is supposed to be hypoallergenic. So far, I would have to agree!!! We brought him home yesterday. Meet his parents Buttercup and Ramsey. He is a Poodle mixed with a Goldendoodle and he is really sweet. He was born on Dec.12 of last year. He is going to be a BIG dog (we expect around 60-70 lbs). Yes he is also going to be an indoor dog too. We were very lucky to get him. These types of dogs are very expensive because they are in high demand due to the fact that they are hypoallergenic and great family dogs. A WONDERFUL couple (The McDonalds)in Clovis, CA (gateway to Yosemite and about a 3 hour drive from our home), allowed us to take him to his new home. The McDonalds are wonderful people. They welcomed us with open arms and hearts and were very generous in their gift to us, we could not have afforded him without their generosity. They gave him to us along with a microchip already in him, a collar, leash, dog food, a ton of puppy toys, brush, and a notebook filled with information. He is such a GOOD Puppy!!! We are very happy to have him join our family. He is going to be my therapy dog!!! Today is a great day!!!!

If you are looking for a great hypo-allergenic family dog, and you can travel to Central California to pick one up, we both highly recommend http://www.rainbowsendpuppies.com/

Our new 14 week old puppy

I thought I had it going on!!!! I had no pain, no bleeding, I felt GREAT...until...this morning. To make a long story short...I popped a stitch. I was very scared because I have been fine for three weeks and now all of a sudden I began to bleed. I wont get into the details, but I had to leave work early and Dr. Marter fixed me up. He said that I have to take it easy and go on bed rest for a day or so. I'll have to try and do my best, but it is not easy just sitting down. I want to do things and have fun, but that time will come soon. I am not having any pain, so I guess I will go and take a nap. Love, VAL

This is my friend Stephanie. I met her in the oncologist office at the beginning of my diagnosis. We went through Chemo together and we have really become good friends. She has young children too, that my children absolutely love. We went to her house on Sunday for a BBQ and Swim. We had a blast. My kids really loved her dogs, but they did seem to bark a lot!!! (inside joke between Steph and I)

These are my new fake bangs. Dion does not care for them, but I feel really comfortable not wearing a wig. It is my new "PUNK" look. At breakfast the other day, Dion said that a group of boys were looking at my hair and discussing it amongst themselves. I decided that I was so hip,and cool, that of course they were talking about me. I was HOT looking. Dion said that he doesn't think that is what they were saying...but like I believe in the positive!!!!:)

I saw two doctors on Friday and this is what they said:

Dr Watson (plastic surgeon)- He said that my breasts have scar tissue around them and so it is making the implant "HARD". The implant is actually soft, but the scar tissue forms around it and makes it seem hard. He gave me two options.

The first was to just take out the old expander and scrape the scar tissue away and then replace the expander with the new silicone implant. The surgery is minor and the recovery period is quick. Then with the new implants I may get scar tissue again or not. No one knows. It is a gamble.

The second option was to take out the expander and the scar tissue muscle and replace the muscle with a muscle from one side of my buttocks. He would then lipo section the other side to make them match one another. This would guarantee that the scar tissue would never come back and I would never have to worry about "hard" breasts again. The downfall is the recovery period is really long and the surgery is 4-6 hours long.

Dr. Watson was pushing the second option pretty hard, but I just don't think I am ready for that now. He said I can always do the first option and then if that does not work, then we can still do the second option. So, I think I am going to try and do the least invasive surgery. I would have enjoyed the lipo suction, but I am hoping that after training for my Avon Walk that I won't need it anymore. Yes I am a big dreamer!!!

The second Doctor appointment was with Dr. Marter (the Gyno). He says that I am doing great. I just have to remember no lifting and no exercise. There goes my idea of beginning training this week for the Avon Walk. He got a good laugh when I asked him if I could go water skiing in two weeks. So, no water skiing, but he said that I could go swimming. I have to take what I can get.

I am doing really well after surgery. I am driving and doing all of my normal things. I am still trying to take it easy because even though I feel great, I still have stitches inside and it is a 6 week recovery period. I keep having to remind myself of that.

This is our Team T-Shirt for our Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. I thought it was really cute. I figured everyone has bumps in their lives, some are bigger that others. You can take it literally and compare sizes or you can think about it and realize that everyone has different size obstacles in their lives. I just thought the shirt was fun and now I have some "BUMPS " to show off!!! I am going to go this week and get fitted for walking shoes, then I have to begin training for the walk. The doctors say that walking will be really good for me, so next week, I'll begin training. If anyone wants to join me on my walk then please join the "Team Bumps Ahead". I think there are 3 or 4 of us on the team so far. My parents are going to be Crew Members and help put the walk on. I am very excited to have them there. It will be fun seeing them support all of the walkers and survivors.

Oh, I ordered the shirt at Cafepress.com. It cost $16.79 and then $5.00 shipping. None of the proceeds, that I know of, go to breast cancer research. It is just a normal store. Just click on Cafepress.com and it will take you to the Internet link.

Good Morning. Today is Friday and I am finally feeling pretty good. I am off of the vicodin and just taking advil for the little bit of discomfort that I still have. I am feeling quite well, I just have to walk slowly and I am not allowed to lift anything heavy. My parents have been staying at my house and helping me get the kids off to school everyday. I couldn't do it without them. My friends have been bringing dinner to us this week and Dion Loves that!!!! I couldn't do it without them either. I am just so happy be healthy today!!! Love ya and have a good weekend. VAL

Valerie and her mom...checking e-mail in her bed

Doing great!

Surgery is done. Valerie is fine, but still in recovery

Off to surgery at 8:55 AM

Well it is Sunday night and I am having surgery tomorrow. I have to be at Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital at 7:30am. My surgery is supposed to be at 9:30. It is supposed to be about 3 hours, so Dion should update the blog around 12:30 to let you know how everything went. I have decided to have a total hysterectomy. People are asking me why...well, I have to get rid of the ovaries because they produce estrogen and I might as well get rid of everything else because I am not going to use it again. I figure it is one less place the cancer can go...so just take it out. I am looking at the positives....NO MORE PERIODS!!!! I have got to be happy about that!!! I will be in the hospital for one night and then home on Tuesday afternoon. Love you all. VAL

I am so happy...VAL

Me too! Dion :-)

Good news around the world as well! Valerie's friend Dawn in Australia has been going on this same "journey" and just finished her own radiation treatment. Dawn always has postive comments and e-mails for Valerie, which I know helps pull Valerie's spirits up on many days.....hopefully we can meet her one day in the near future. Make Dawn's day today....you can post a positive message to Dawn on her blog at: http://dawnstan.blogspot.com/

Its 12:02 pm and I just got a call from Dr. Barstis about the PET scan. I am crying...but they are tears of relief. He said that everything is fine. There were a few "Hot" spots on the breast, but those are from surgery. He said the whole arm pit area is clear and nothing showed up. Everywhere else looks good too. I am so happy. I have another one in 3 months, but I feel better now. I have been so stressed for the past 3 days that I am just happy to be OK. VAL

My hair

Good Morning. I read Dion's past posts and I realize that we need to communicate more (I think we communicate fine...I think she had a lot on her mind (rightly so) and every time I asked for details, I got different facts...I am glad this week is past us, as I write this I can tell you it is nice to have Valerie back to normal...well OK normal is a subjective term, but you know what I mean :-)...Dion). I had a 90% chance of the cancer coming back if I had only done the surgery. I opted to do Radiation and Chemo, so that dropped that % of it coming back. I do not know what that % is because I am too afraid to ask. Dr. Barstis did a whole bunch of blood work on me last week and he said that everything looked good. So I am really believing that the PET scan will be Negative. So, no I do NOT have a 90% chance of it being somewhere else in my body TODAY. I am hoping that I have .05% chance of it being in my body today, but I really don't know the % because...like I said before...I am to afraid to ask. Sometimes not knowing everything is OK. Wish me luck....VAL

15 Minutes of misery, that is all that is allowed! :-) OK, you will likely read my post below and say "wow, they are not doing good". Here it is about an hour after that post, and both our feelings have changed. I am going to leave it, as I want to remember my hard times (I must have re-wrote that post seven times trying to make it not so negative).

We just finished reading an article that a neighbor suggested we read about Heather Warrick (another cancer survivor that Valerie actually did some articles with). Heather has been living with stage-four cancer for over 10 years, and has had seven recurrences. You have got to remember this thing can (and will) be beat!

Happy Monday!

Well Monday is a big day, and then again it is just another Monday! Valerie is scheduled to have her first full body PET scan since the completion of all her treatment. As she said below, she took this back in June when they first diagnosed her with Cancer, other than the tumors in her breasts and lymph nodes, it was negative in the rest of her body. This time we are hoping (praying, believing, demanding, wishing) that it comes back negative again. Bottom line, they are looking for Cancer "seeds" or "little ones that got away" that could be in other parts of her body. We expect to have results by Thursday. Last week she met with Dr. Barstis (I missed this appointment so not sure she heard this right) and he said there was a 90% chance that the test will come back positive....ummm that does not seem like a very good percentage, so I am going to believe she heard it wrong, and wait for Thursday's results.

We've talked alot about this upcoming test. You would think we could get over it, realize it will be what it will be, easier said than done. Sorry I have not posted in awhile, guess it was my way of dealing with this. Trying to make it a "non-event", issue resolved, time to move on! But deep down it eats at me, I know I can't fix it, I can't see it, I can't cure it and it really pisses me off.

Geez that was a bummer of a post....sorry, we are upbeat that Thursday will be better than Monday!

Valerie enjoying Irish coffee while we watch the kids snowboard

I am feeling better today!!! Love you all!!! VAL

I will have surgery on March 5th. This will either be the removal of the ovaries or a whole hysterectomy. I am leaning towards removing all of it because it would be one less thing I would have to worry about. Just thought you would like to know.

I am also having a full body PET scan on Monday, Feb. 26. This will tell me if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body. I had a PET scan last June and it was negative, so I am hoping for the same results. I forget how long it takes them to get the test results back, but I am sure by Friday, March 2 I will know. I will be getting PET scans every 3 months for awhile.

Today is not a good day. It sucks. I went to a bossom Buddie meeting last night to give support to other breast cancer survivors and learn how to read my pathology report. To make a long story short I was able to "stage" my Cancer. I am a Stage IIIc. This is the stage RIGHT BEFORE stage IV. It caught me by surprise because my oncologist said that I was a stage IIc or IIIa. For some reason it makes a difference to me. I know that I would not do anything different, but I just began to feel like normal. I just began to feel my life returning to me. I didn't think about cancer every minute of everyday. Now I feel like I am back at the beginning all over again. I am sad. I know I will get over this because nothing has really changed, but I wish I didn't find out. Knowledge is not always power. I think not knowing sometimes is OK. I liked believing that I was a stage IIc. Even though Stage IIc is not good...it was better that stage IIIc. Love you all and send me prayers today. P.S. I felt so sad that I actually let the dog sleep in my bed last night. She made me feel better :)

Leave it to me to mess up the blog. I swear I don't know what I did. All I know is that if you click on the little box that is in the blank picture frame, it will actually pull up the picture. I don't know...I just keep trying (Dion here...I can tell you what she did, and I have told her too, but does it really matter? Nope, it is fixed....and it will happen again! :-) Enjoy it while it works!)

Well, life does go on. As you can see, Dion and I are not updating the blog every 2 seconds because we are busy with life (Dion here again, I think it can also be said too busy to keep fixing this thing! Sorry to anyone I ticked off by not taking the time to fix it...it won't happen again!). Dion has been super busy at work and I have been busy with the kids. Our son had his 6th birthday party on Saturday. It was themed "Star Wars". I made Dion dress up like Darth Vader and he played light sabers with 8 little boys, it was really cute. Dion and the dad's then played baseball with the boys using the "light saber" as a bat. It was a fun kids party (Dad here, and FUN for me too!).

Boobs...well not much to talk about, (Just when I thought it was safe to read the blog again...whamo! I thought we were talking about kids birthday parties? Some days I don't get her, but I still love her! Since we are here, couldn't that statement have ended right there? Nope...read on...) they are hard. I hug people and they say "ouch". I am looking forward to the day that I can replace the expanders with something softer. Dr. Watson told me that they are hard because he over expanded them. I swear I am not that big. But he compared the expanders to a super full water balloon. I am just glad that that this is not the finished product. I mean they look great and perky, but not to soft. I will keep you posted on when that surgery will be...it should be in about 2-5 months. I will talk to my ovary doctor (Dr. Barstis) tomorrow and keep you posted.

Love you all. Val

I have decided to walk for Breast Cancer Research. I will be doing the Avon Walk in Los Angeles. I am very excited, but I have to raise $1,800 in order to be allowed to walk. If you would like to support my cause, please check out my Avon Walk web site, Thanks....I am so excited about doing this. Last year my friends Judy, Kelly and Wendy walked for the cause and this year I am healthy enough to join them!!! YA!!

This is my friend Kristen and Lori in Santa Barbara. We went there for the weekend. We ate, shopped, and drank. It was a lot of fun!!

This is "Tommy". This is the radiation machine that I visit everyday. I lay on the table and I go on in. It takes about 3 minutes to get a little CAT scan (I think) and then I come out. Then I go back in for the radiation treatment. That treatment lasts for about 12 minutes. I call it my meditation time. It is very quiet and almost relaxing...but I am glad it will be done tomorrow!

This is me getting ready to go into "Tommy". So sorry that it has been so long since I have written, but Dion did something to the Blog site (OK, so I guess I am not a very good password creator, as she somehow figured out her way back into this thing!) and I didn't know how to post. Now I do (and posts are messed up again, go figure!). The picture is of me going into my (it sure feels like mine after all the bills!) Radiation Machine. Tomorrow is my last day of radiation and I have very few side effects. I never got tired, which is supposed to be a main side effect. I did get a little burned (I, Dion can attest, it is more than a little burn, but doctors say hers was better than most....sorry if yours is not!) on my upper right chest, but other than that, I feel great. The next step in this journey is to decide what hormones I will be on for the next five years.

I will also have my Ovaries removed (Valerie's choice). I know that Breast Cancer and Ovarian Cancer are closely related (according to my doctor) and I know that Ovarian cancer is really hard to detect. I would rather have them taken out and not have to worry about getting that type of cancer. I am done having kids, so I can't think of any reason to keep them. I am not sure when they will be removed, but I will keep you posted. I will also need to get my real implants put in. The implant surgery won't be for another 3 to 6 months. I will see the Doctor in February and he will let me know how long I have to wait. I am told I have to wait for my radiated skin and muscle to heal and determine how much tissue damage there is before they can determine if the surgery can even be done.

Well, that is about it. I am feeling great. I am not thinking about dying every 2 seconds. I am getting back to living. Yes, I still have lots of Doctor's Appointments, but I know that I am alive. I am feeling really good and I am happy. Love VAL (Dion here, well I guess I can let her access the blog, if I get to read things like that! :-))

This is Joe and Kit, these two people helped me through my whole radiation treatment. They are the ones who set up the machine and made me smile through out the many days of treatment. Joe always made me laugh and always had a smile on his face. Kit always took care of me when I had medical questions. I could not have gotten through this with such a positive attitude if it had not been for them. Thank you!

No more port! Doing great and on our way home.

Off to surgery to get the port-a-cath removed. Should be about a one hour procedure and Dr. Senofsky says she will only be out for about 25 minutes.